Yesterday while in the doctor’s office waiting for my son's post-op check-up, I picked up a copy of a typical doctor’s office magazine. I normally do not read these types of magazines, but I did not bring my work bag in with me. I usually carry a bag with a never ending “To Do” list, work project, laptop, etc. A significant part of my life can be summed up with “Hurry up and wait.” Therefore, I almost always bring work to do. Some people call me “Type A”, while I prefer the term, “multi-tasker.” At any rate, I found this article tucked away in between all of the latest celebrity news and drama. It was about a family whose little girl does not seem to age. She has remained similar to a six-month-old child for 16 years. It was so touching to read what the family said about her. They obviously have struggles and had to sacrifice a ton. However, they say that they like her the way she is and they would not want to change her. I am sure they had hopes and dreams of what she would grow up to be but they have accepted their reality with love and grace. They accept her as a blessing in their lives. I have read so many stories of families whose children have special needs. While most will acknowledge the trials, sacrifice and burdens they bear, I have yet to come across any family that wishes the child was not in their life. They somehow have overcome their own selfish desires and looked beyond to something greater. Most parents of children with special needs will testify that it is not about what they did for the child, it is about what the child has done for them. One North Carolina mother reported that her family’s decision to adopt a daughter with special needs has blessed them in some surprising ways. She says, “We have learned some things the medical reports don’t tell you: how a child can sprout with the daily care and love of a family. No medical report could describe how much our family has grown. Each of us has learned to be patient, less selfish, to look at people differently.”
I may have told you before about my son Simon who has the special need of being cleft affected. What I did not tell you is that I also have two other special needs children. Well, actually all of my children have special needs, but only three of them are classified by medical professionals as “special needs.” Let me explain. All of my children have the special need of needing to be loved, listened to, cared for and understood. My oldest is a sophomore at a local university. She needs a few relationships that are interpersonal and deep. She is now one of my best friends. My second born is a freshman in high school. He needs a lot of social interaction and thrives in an environment of many friends. He has the dream of attending West Point and developing a distinguished military career. My third child is in seventh grade. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified). PDD-NOS disorder is somewhere in the autism spectrum. This means that he has several autistic behaviors, but they do not fall within a specifically named autistic disorder. He has sensory overload and social interaction challenges. Despite his challenges, he quite possibly could grow up to be one of the world’s greatest architectural engineers. Our fourth child, Jintry, was the first child we adopted and there were several concerns about her birth history that placed her in the category of “minor special needs” when we accepted her referral. She is fine and healthy now, but there are still many unknowns about her future (as if any of us know what tomorrow holds). She needs a lot of friends and social interaction. Jintry may quite possibly grow up to be an ambassador to foreign countries. You’ve already met Simon our fifth child. He needs people to listen closely to what he is saying and not to interrupt while he is talking. He is possibly the funniest kid on the planet. He has such a contagious laugh that everyone who hears has to laugh also. Sami is the baby of the family. She had the longest list of medical issues and special needs concerns. With her birth history, she could have been profoundly and negatively affected for life. She is now relatively healthy and doing quite well on maintenance medication. She was mildly speech delayed, but she is now catching up. She has been rather emotionally needy, but she seems to be gaining more independence and security. She is quite possibly the world’s sweetest two-year-old.
So what is the point? Why am I telling you all of this? The point is that there are many special needs children waiting to be united with their forever families. Should everyone planning to adopt consider a special needs child? I cannot answer that question. Only those considering adoption can answer that based on their family situation and what they believe God is calling them to do. Tami Davidson is the coordinator of Dillon’s Waiting Child Program. She had this to say, “The need for forever families for children with special needs continues to increase. Overall, more children with special needs are referred to our programs. It is hard to say whether that is the result of better medical information on the children, or the result of healthier children being adopted domestically. I think it is a combination of both reasons.”
So what happens if my children do not grow up to do something world changing or amazing? What about the children with severe special needs that will never grow up to have a “normal or productive” life? The next question is who decides what is “normal” or “productive?” To answer these questions let me use a somewhat simplified example. I have a cat named Jasmine. She was named after Princess Jasmine from the Disney Aladdin movie. She does not live up to her name. She is really semi-worthless. She really serves no earthly purpose except to catch and deliver an occasional field mouse. Jintry and I love our cat. She does nothing for us whatsoever. We love our cat just simply because she is ours and we receive some sort of comfort and relaxation when she sits with us and we pet her. The rest of the world would not be impacted in the least if something happened to her. We would be devastated. So why is that? The cat does not live a “productive” life or really have any earthly purpose, or does she?
Am I somehow trying to compare children, especially children with special needs, to animals? The answer is a resounding, “no.” I believe that God created the universe and He created everything with a purpose and a plan, even if I do not see it, understand it or know what it is. He is sovereign and He alone holds the ultimate plan. So what about the cat? Maybe her purpose is just to sit there and let us pet her. This has a calming effect. So what about the babies with severe disabilities? Maybe their purpose is just to be held and let you smell their sweet heads and feel their soft hair on your cheek. Maybe this is what heaven smells and feels like. Maybe their purpose is for us to catch a glimpse of the face of Jesus. Maybe something will seem strangely familiar when we hear Him laugh, when He touches our face or when he wipes the tears from our eyes.
Thank you for reading, caring and taking time to consider the children with special needs. After all, each of us has a special need of some kind or another. We all need to be loved and to love with a purpose.
Cherri
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